in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize