But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
