I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
