there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
