what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
