apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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