you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
