my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
