Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
