i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize