I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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