I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
