As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize