just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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