I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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