Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
