Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
