I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
NoShamevember. You game?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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