is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
