I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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