nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize