im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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