Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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