youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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