He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
