it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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