Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
