I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
