Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
