Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
