You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
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