yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
only you would photoshop your dick
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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