I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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