YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
