if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
