This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
