He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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