i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize