i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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