my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
