Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
