It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize