This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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