the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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