Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
