maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
