You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
