I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
