nut hugger
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
