i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
