Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize