I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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