I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
