i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
