This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Everything about him screamed your future.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
