I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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