It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
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