k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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