He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
