then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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