shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
