THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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